How Do You Make Genuine Friends As An Adult

You may be asking yourself, “How do you make friends as an adult?”

Honestly, that’s probably why you are here, based on the title of this post.

I actually thought that I was one of the only adults with this issue. I blamed it on my introversion, or the fact that I am a stay-at-home mom or my complete social anxiety… which let’s be honest, it’s probably all of those things.

I was a bit surprised though to find that apparently, this is a bigger issue than I thought it was.

More and more adults struggle to find and make friends.

Where do you start? Who do you talk to? Where do you go? Is there a form you can fill out someplace? All legitimate questions I think.

Even Katie and Greg Otto from American Housewife have numerous times where they talk about how hard it is to make friends when you are older.

It’s not just a skit for TV, people! This is a real-life problem. One that I intend to solve… or at least try to.

Where To Find Friends

So the first step to making friends is actually finding people in the first place.

Sounds ridiculous, but not everyone has access to people in a situation where you can turn a stranger into a possible friend.

This is something that I have wondered about a lot, seeing as how I am a stay-at-home mom. I don’t have a job outside of my house to meet people. I don’t go to a school where I can meet people, and outside of my husband and my 4-year-old, I don’t really have access to many other people.

So how would one in my situation go about finding people that also want to make friends?

I can’t just go to the grocery store and pick one up….. can I?

Before you go thinking I have zero friends, that isn’t entirely true. I have a best friend that I have known for more than half my life. And her wife has also become a friend to me, so I am up to 2 now!! Go me!!!

The reason I bring this up is because it was actually my best friends wife, or friend number 2, that told me about certain apps that are specifically for making friends.

Apps

I guess they really do have apps for everything.

Now I know there are many people out there that use the internet for dating, but can you really do that to meet people entirely for the purpose of meeting friends? Or is this some sort of weird thing that still ends up turning into Tinder or something like that? Who knows.

I also don’t know if I am willing to try that out, just because I couldn’t even do online dating.

But, I know myself. I need an extroverted type of person to decide they like me for some crazy reason and decide they want to be my friend and make the first move.

Small talk isn’t something I am good at. What do I say or do? I am very socially awkward, so meeting people online is not a very good option for me. I just come across as weird.

So we have the option of using an app to find friends, but what else is there?

Join A Gym

For another option, for those healthy minded individuals, you can always join a gym. I hear there are people that go to the gym and somehow strike up conversations and create friendships.

It might be an option if fitness is something you are interested in.

You can create friendships to help you on your fitness journey and you know you already have something in common. Good starting point for any kind of relationship.

Don’t count on me to give you conversation starters here though. As previously stated, I am a major introvert and I don’t really people that well.

I can give you this tip though if someone is wearing headphones… leave them alone. That’s really all I have though.

Also, you can always check out my list of the best songs to workout to… maybe you can start a conversation about the best workout songs.

Take A Class

Next idea for how to make friends as an adult… take a class.

Find something you are interested in and go for it. Even if you don’t get any friends out of it… you will have a new skill and I call that a win!

But the purpose of this is for making friends, so at least try to talk to someone.

It can be an academic class, or a fun class. The choice is yours.

Decide what kind of friend you want to have.

Do you want someone that will have a coffee date with you once a week? Take a class on coffee.

Want someone that loves to read and will spend forever with you browsing through different bookstores? Take a creative writing class.

How about a workout buddy? Find an active class, dance, martial arts, whatever.

The possibilities are endless.

Go To Events

How else can you make friends as an adult? Try going to different events.

You can go to different websites like Eventbrite or even Facebook to find events in your area, or just use Google.

You can even find apps that will tell you about different events in your area.

Try either Hangtime or Meetup for something to do.

Just make sure that you pick something that you are actually interested in. That way you have something in common with the people you meet. And maybe, if you are lucky, you can start a brand new friendship.

How To Make Friends

So now you have met people… now what?

I’m going to be honest, this is not my forte. But I feel like if I can buck up and put myself out there, so can you. Trust me.

I feel like in my case, I always waited for some extroverted type person to come across me and decide for whatever reason that they wanted to be friends with me. Then they take the reigns, talk to me, and form some sort of bond with me until I felt comfortable enough to open up and voila! Friends!!

Now, how to translate that into adulthood…

You can always try that route, but it is pretty hit or miss. It is entirely dependent on someone else.

If you feel like taking a more active approach, that means you have to actually do the talking and bonding.

If you are like me, then you know how hard it is to not only start a conversation with someone you don’t know, but you also know how hard it is to carry that conversation.

I don’t know about you, but when I meet someone new, I completely forget the English language. It’s gone.

However, when I am comfortable with someone, I don’t shut up. And we talk about some deep stuff, or really lighthearted stuff, depending on the person. So how do we get to that comfortable place with someone?

How To Talk To People

A trick I learned about talking to people when you can’t think of anything to say… are you ready?… Repeat what they say back to them.

So, if they say something like, “The game last night was crazy!”

You could say something like, “The game was crazy?”

By making it a question, it leaves it open for them to explain and giving you more opportunities to talk about something.

That is the very basic explanation of it, so if you are interested in this technique, it is called the echo effect. There are a couple of articles about it on The Emotion Machine and Fast Company.

Just be careful with using this technique too much, you will start to sound like a parrot and people will catch on pretty quickly. Use it in moderation when you want to keep talking to someone but you have no idea what to say. It could help.

What To Do With Friends

Congrats, you made some friends! I’m proud of you!! You learned how to make friends as an adult… now what?

Find some stuff to do together.

Depending on how you met the person, it could naturally lead you to what you guys will do together.

If you met them at the gym, you have a new workout buddy and anything active you do, they may want a part in.

Say you want to do more things with that workout buddy though, what can you do? Find something else you have in common. While you guys are working out together, talk about other interests you have. You may find something else you can do together.

Of course there are the usual things you can do with people, watch movies or shows together, go shopping, do crafts, workout, or if you are parents of kids around the same age, play date!! Bring those kids in on your friendship.

Go get some coffee together and just talk, create a book club and talk about the awesome things you guys have read together. There are so many things that people can do together.

And bonus… Now that you have made a friend, that opens up the opportunity to meet more people through them. So making one friend can lead to many more.

The world is yours. Now go have fun!

Now that we have tried figuring out how to make friends as an adult, I hope you have learned something that can help you.

If there was anything I missed or didn’t think of, please let me know in the comments. I would love to learn new ways to make friends, or how to talk to people.

Even if you just want to say hi, go for it. We can be friends right here!!

Also, don’t forget to check out my Instagram, I love making new friends there too.

And if you want to boost our new friendship up another notch, You can check out my Etsy shop too!! There are some pretty cool things on there that you can get for your other friends (don’t worry, I won’t get jealous).

Well my new friends, until next time,